How I got here

I've spent way too long in psycho mode. I've spent too much time desperately seeking validation, ruining relationship after relationship, engaging in the most ignominious self-destructive behaviors, and spiraling completely out of control. I keep falling into these patterns time and time again. 

I have tried talk therapy, EMDR, group therapy, anger management, AA, faith-based help, exercise, reinventing myself over and over. Meanwhile, I have built this seemingly wonderful life. On the outside it would appear that I have it all together. Still, in spite of everything, suicidal thoughts come second nature. I can't seem to go a few days without having an emotional breakdown. 

So here I am, trying something new. DBT does seem to be helping. I really wish there was an easier  fix, but I suppose a labotomy is out of the question.